Hedy

bloody love

hedyxo@yahoo.com — Sat, 17 May 2003 19:54:44 GMT

An old lover from my opast who is a friend want to visit me for an undetermined ammount of time.It's been so long since I lioved withanother human and it freaks me out. My ocd's are bursting out and i can't stop worrying that it's going to end in murder.haha
It's funny how people can become conditioned to a lifestyle adn when that life is challenged we freak out. IU'm sure it will go fine

More doom for the masses

hedyxo@yahoo.com — Wed, 14 May 2003 01:12:14 GMT

Trying to download music and none of it is downloading.. then again I do tend ot like stuff that isn't easily accessible or mainstream.
Oh what should I write about?? Saw the shrink.. it seems I don't feel happy. No fucking shit. Maybe cuz I'm trapped in the wrong dimention, decade, social spectrum. I'm in a city where people come to get old....or kids listen to fuckin synthetic computer generated bullshit they call music and raves are all there is here. I miss smokey red lit underground clubs pounding out Jesus and marychain and JoyDivision. I miss going out and being nuts.. no boys.. why should I be excited?
I have PMS I know it's not as bad as it seems... I jsut feel kinda lame. I wanna go dancing to some decent shit for a change.
I should move to the east coast... but fuck man i just got back from the last place i was in.. I can't seem to still still or move on. The past grips me like sludge on the rocks right under the docks at beaches. i can't find people like me unless they're 18 and still in highschool. That used to make me excited, but there's no mental stimulation in molesting young boys, and frankly they mostly suck in the sack. Woes me, what is a girl to do?
I'm a sick sick girl.
I want to talk to someone real.. not cheesy.
So I continue talking to myself.

bitches and cunts, cunts and bitches

hedyxo@yahoo.com — Mon, 12 May 2003 05:54:39 GMT

I thought moving back from L.A. would bring me along the path of some decent folk, but no.. people are shitty everywhere. A friend of mine knows this chick in the "movie biz" and since i used to work in the "movie biz" in L.A. she figured I'd benefit from talking to some fuckin lady out here. I tried nmot to let my jaded scornful and should know better attidue be on hold as I called the broad. Even here, in little Vancouver, egos fly too high. Sh enot only acted as though the job she needed with people (which was to get the actors to thier positions) was sooooooooooooo complicated that a silly costume designer like me could never understand the complexity. She also implied this friend of m,ine was HOUNDING her to LET me call her.. when aLL ALONG i WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT THIS BITCH NEEDED ASSISTANC. SDo lucky me she'll read my resume. I scoff!
Scoff Scoff. FUCK her.. I left the biz for a reason and talking to this bitch reminds me of the useless ammount of arrogance and snottiness one finds working on sets for some shitty production company 16 hours a day being treated like an idiot.
So i am not bothering. I got to work with cool people and it almost killed me.. let alone some tightass. I'll stick to layin' low and fuck the "fabulous" ego hungry life of wannabe showbusiness.
I fucking hate assholes.

bitches and cunts, cunts and bitches

hedyxo@yahoo.com — Mon, 12 May 2003 05:54:19 GMT

I thought moving back from L.A. would bring me along the path of some decent folk, but no.. people are shitty everywhere. A friend of mine knows this chick in the "movie biz" and since i used to work in the "movie biz" in L.A. she figured I'd benefit from talking to some fuckin lady out here. I tried nmot to let my jaded scornful and should know better attidue be on hold as I called the broad. Even here, in little Vancouver, egos fly too high. Sh enot only acted as though the job she needed with people (which was to get the actors to thier positions) was sooooooooooooo complicated that a silly costume designer like me could never understand the complexity. She also implied this friend of m,ine was HOUNDING her to LET me call her.. when aLL ALONG i WAS UNDER THE IMPRESSION THAT THIS BITCH NEEDED ASSISTANC. SDo lucky me she'll read my resume. I scoff!
Scoff Scoff. FUCK her.. I left the biz for a reason adn talking to this bitch reminds me of the useless ammount of arrogance and snottiness one finds working on sets for some shitty production company 16 hours a day being treated like an idiot.
So i am not bothering. I got to work with cool people and it almost killed me.. let alone some tightass. I'll stick to layin' low and fuck the "fabulous" ego hungry life of wannabe showbusiness.
I fucking hate assholes.

Love babble

hedyxo@yahoo.com — Fri, 09 May 2003 18:58:45 GMT

I've been pondering this question for eons now. Is there such a thing as a soulmate? I've observed people and their views on love and have come to realize that yes, it does exist but not the way we think. There is not one single "body" that is perfect for us. But based on our astrological makeup and what planets are in what sign we do have several well matched compatible people that could be our potential soul mate. It is an energy that takes over us, that makes us feel like we have found the one. When the one decides to leave, that energy will follow the person that still wants love, and will manifest in another person with components that match theirs. Therefore, creating a new soul mate for those who still seek it.
But that's all bullshit to me now. I am joining the rest of the world.. and trying to think there is no such thing.We all fuck people and have mimi relationships that go nowhere. But how often do we "FALL"? Not often. There's no time to feel. Sex is the first thing that happens when we meet someone.So I think that instead of being that girl that wants to fuck hot boys and have fun....I have become this nun. Waiting for the one. Because I found it and it disappeared. We all have that one person that turns us off of love. I can't even look anymore.
DAMN HIM.

hedyxo@yahoo.com — Thu, 08 May 2003 06:22:54 GMT

Sammy burst in as I was downing the last drop of vodka and forcing the last pill down my throat. He suggested my cure for boredom may be this. So I tired it Livejournal.com com. It's heloed my psychosis and alleviated that nagging voice that pounds in my skull.WOW! Three cheers for livejounal.com